


Yule

by eledhwenlin



Category: Panic At The Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-06
Updated: 2011-06-06
Packaged: 2017-10-20 05:01:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eledhwenlin/pseuds/eledhwenlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon and Spencer are wizards. I have no excuse for this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yule

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the _Fantasy & Supernatural: Witches and Wizards_ square on my [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/au_bingo/profile)[**au_bingo**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/au_bingo/) [card](http://eledhwenlin.dreamwidth.org/620867.html).
> 
> Thank you to [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/asmallbluedot/profile)[**asmallbluedot**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/asmallbluedot/) for the beta! All remaining errors are my own. C &C is always welcome.

Brendon tries to be circumspect when he's doing magic, he really does.It’s just that occasionally it doesn't work out exactly the way he plans.

Brendon stares at the young man who caught him in the act. He was cleaning the top of the bookshelves--if he does it the non-magic way, it takes him ages and he always becomes dizzy when he has to spend so much time on the ladder. He was just trying to speed up the process and Gerard doesn't mind, encourages him even. Although Brendon hasn't talked much about his past, he's insinuated several times that doing magic was something Brendon had to carefully hide. Gerard has taken it upon himself to praise Brendon whenever he does magic, and he has taught Brendon many a new spell and keeps bringing Brendon new books to read.

But right now Brendon still has his hands raised to perform the cleaning spell, and he can feel the energy of the spell burning under his skin, a hot, white pulse, and he either has to release the spell or dispel it, but he's stuck in inertia, unsure which action to take. The guy looks on with an amused expression and nods his head at Brendon. "If you don't continue, the spell will find its own way. You don't actually want to know what a wild cleaning spell can cause, trust me."

Brendon waves his hands and the spell flies to the ceiling, spreads out over all the shelves and puffs away in a matter of seconds. He is glad that he hasn't been found out by someone without any knowledge of the other world, but on the other hand he's been found out by someone who knows the need for secrecy. He strongly suspects that this guy has never been found glowing and sparkling by accident.

"Uh." Brendon's not sure what to say. "Uhm, what are you doing here?" He feels the tiniest bit embarrassed and only belatedly realises that this might be a customer and there are ways he should treat customers and, oh dear powers that be, Brendon's not cut out to be a shop assistant at all. He sighs. "I'm sorry, what ... What can I help you with?"

Brendon tries to smile, but he suspects it comes out rather small and harried. The guy grins at him and Brendon absolutely does not find him hot or charming. "I am looking for Gerard Way. I heard he was looking for a new assistant."

Brendon's sceptical. There have been several guys dropping by to get that position, but usually Gerard informs Brendon of their arrival. Usually only means more than half the time, though, so it's not totally unthinkable that Gerard forgot or thought he had already told Brendon. "Is he expecting you?"

"He should be. I called ahead."

In that moment Gerard appears behind the counter. White stars are floating around him. Brendon blinks because he's sure that when Gerard left that morning for his errands, his hair wasn't this short or this blonde. It's not the worst hairdo Brendon's ever seen him with (there was this accident with mundane red hair dye that nobody speaks about).

"Oh, Spencer, there you are!" Gerard hurries over to them and Brendon looks between him and Spencer. Spencer seems completely relaxed and he smiles (god, that smile is a killer). It's intriguing because everyone else had tried very hard to suck up to Gerard. Which is laughable, actually, because Gerard does not need an assistant. Gerard only needs somebody to pass him the dragon root or the cucumber slices or someone to back him up on a spell that takes two people to perform, and up until now Brendon was usually good enough for that. It stung a bit when Gerard announced out of the blue that he was going to hire a full-time magical assistant.

"Gerard, it's been too long." They hug and talk like Brendon's not even there and for a moment Brendon has a flashback to that horrible day when he managed to turn himself invisible and mute, but didn't know how to turn himself back. He was five at the time and he couldn't understand why nobody reacted to him. It had been devastating. Brendon feels the same sense of unimportance and smallness.

Brendon is saved by the arrival of a client, who wanders into the bookstore brandishing a long list of schoolbooks. Gerard takes Spencer into the back, where their office and break room is, while Brendon finds every book on the client’s list. Then all he can do is spend his time staring at the door while he waits for them to come out again. He doesn't want to barge into the room and have an awkward silence fall.

The familiarity between the two is obvious and Brendon's dying of curiosity. He wants to know who Spencer is. Brendon has only known Gerard for not quite a year, but he can't remember him ever mentioning a Spencer. He is fascinated, but he's not hoping that Spencer's as intrigued by Brendon as Brendon is by Spencer. Brendon's not that lucky. Also he's been caught unawares while doing magic and there's no possible worse introduction to another wizard than that.

"Brendon?" Gerard calls out of his office. "We're going out for lunch, would you mind the store in the meantime?"

Brendon sighs and says yes. Gerard was kind enough to employ Brendon when he found him busking on the street a few months before. Brendon's only been in town for a short time, and he was low down on luck and money. In the last months they've become something like friends, Brendon likes to think. It's deceiving, because they're really not that close. Brendon would like to call Gerard a real friend, but for all of his smiles, Gerard's shy and keeps close to himself.

Spencer and Gerard leave. Belatedly Brendon realises that he didn't bring lunch of his own, had intended to go out and get take-out or something. Now he has to wait until they return, which could take several hours, knowing Gerard. They'll get arguing about some small matter and then Gerard will detail his theory on why wizards should man up and open themselves to the normal people instead of keeping to their own circles. Acceptance and tolerance on both sides. Brendon has heard this speech so often that he knows it by heart himself.

There's a small rush after school is out, students buying the Cliff Notes for some play they're reading or desperately trying to get a new copy of some novel they were supposed to read over the summer but didn't. Occasionally Brendon wishes he could read his fellow wizards as easily as he can read the normal people: their thoughts and emotions are openly displayed and accessible by thought alone (it's what makes Brendon good at this job, finding books, simply because he can look into their minds and find out what it is they're actually looking for--the human mind contorts so much in the process of thinking of speaking, but if you go to the source "that book with the green cover that was written by some guy" becomes a Jane Austen novel whose cover is black and brown). At least it keeps Brendon busy enough to ignore his own pangs of hunger.

Gerard doesn't return until it's almost closing time. Brendon is starving. Theoretically he could conjure some food, but he likes to leave that until he's really in need of it. There's nobody controlling him, but it's a matter of pride. Being hungry because he had to skip lunch does not rate badly enough on Brendon's catastrophe scale to warrant such drastic steps. Brendon's mood has been better, though.

Gerard lets him go immediately and Brendon's glad for it. He doesn't ask about Spencer and Gerard doesn't offer any information. Brendon actually forgets about Spencer until the next morning. He's in the shop when Brendon arrives, dressed in plain clothes, and he's having a conversation with Mikey. That in itself is unusual enough. It's not that Mikey doesn't talk--he's just very selective. There are a few subjects he can get very passionate about, but mostly you have to do with monosyllabic answers. Brendon usually chatters on and on and on, while Mikey nods whenever it's necessary.

But now with Spencer Mikey's laughing and gesturing. They're talking about someone named Ryan, catching up with each other, and Brendon feels suddenly, unexpectedly jealous of Spencer. Brendon's tried to have that kind of easy relationship with the Way brothers, joking and talking, but he still feels foreign and like he doesn't fit in anywhere. He grinds his teeth and puts on a smile, but Spencer gives him a look that makes Brendon queasy. He seems to look right through Brendon's charade and it's not something Brendon's used to--if either Gerard or Mikey ever notice, they are good at pretending they didn't).

Brendon hurries to the back room where Gerard is sorting out their newest shipment. The shop is both a cover up and real. Their biggest sales come from their magic shop, which is their main business: spell books and ingredients, magic pets and their paraphernalia, et cetera. The normal book shop makes enough money to support itself, which is just about what Gerard needs from it. Gerard's putting books aside (Gabe's order has come in apparently, finally, because Gabe was getting cranky and Brendon was getting tired of having to deal with Gabe while Gerard hid in the office), and Brendon starts readying the normal books. He notices Spencer stepping into the room and talking quietly to Gerard, but he makes an effort not to turn around. He's not quite sure why he feels this unsettled around Spencer because he seems nice enough. It's just that Brendon's never really been part of the magic community, he tells himself. He's just not used to this.

When the door opens and closes, Brendon breathes a small sigh of relief and turns around to ask Gerard where he put the book cart so that Brendon can get the books into the shop room. But instead of Gerard he looks straight at Spencer who's looking back with a serious, calm face. They're not that close, but the room isn't that big and Brendon still feels cornered. He didn't realise before how blue Spencer's eyes were, but now they are pinning  him in place.

"I guess Gerard didn't tell you," Spencer begins, "but I will be taking over as his assistant. Or rather, his protégé and apprentice." Brendon blinks. He didn't expect this to happen so fast. Gerard has taken on many assistants and most of them had been vying for an apprenticeship, but Gerard always sent them away to other master wizards. He'd felt too young for an apprentice and often joked that he himself might have to become someone's apprentice just to properly learn calling spells.

Brendon's not quite sure where this leaves him, but he forces himself to breathe calmly and smile. "Congratulations," he offers, but the word comes out a bit mangled. Spencer looks at Brendon carefully and he feels like he's being presented naked on a platter. He'd know if Spencer was scanning Brendon's mind, but he doesn't feel the intrusion he has come to associate with the spells he's been exposed to. Still, he feels like those blue eyes can see underneath Brendon's skin. It makes Brendon increasingly uncomfortable. He's not used to be given so much attention.

Gerard was very enthusiastic and generous in the beginning, but he never asked more than what Brendon wanted to tell of his own accord. Although he's mentioned to Brendon several times that he always had an open ear for him, lately Gerard's been busy and none of Brendon's problems and issues are that important anyway. Brendon's been dealing fine on his own for almost a whole decade now.

But the way Spencer looks at him makes Brendon become aware of every little imperfection: his clothes are rumpled because he doesn't own an iron and wouldn't know how to properly iron them even if he did, and he bought his pants and shirt in a second-hand shop of vintage clothes. He slept badly and the dark bags under his eyes show it openly. Underneath all of that lie his biggest faults: the way he was never actually properly trained and learned all the spells he know on the street and from secretly bought books; how he's failing to fit in with this secret society of wizards just as much as he failed to make himself part of the normal community; he's lonely and sad a lot of the time, and occasionally he thinks his efforts to not show that aren't good enough. He wants to hide all these things deep down.

Spencer's just looking, but his entire posture speaks of self-confidence and everything Brendon's always wanted to be but always fell short of. To have all that focused on him makes Brendon nervous and twitchy. He's fidgeting with the books he's been sorting.

"I am not here to take your job away", is what Spencer finally says. "Or your friends. I'm sorry that I kept Gerard out for so long yesterday, but there was a lot to discuss. We haven't seen each other in quite a while."

Brendon feels a painful pang in his chest at Spencer's words. Part of him wants to reassure Spencer that he's not taking anything away from Brendon because there isn't anything to take away. Neither Gerard nor Mikey are his real friends. They speak once in a while, but even now Brendon can't find it in him to confide anything in them. But to admit that, that would be even worse, baring Brendon's entire social incompetence to Spencer, so he keeps silent.

"I'd like it if we could have a friendly relationship. Gerard thinks highly of you, both as a person and a wizard, and I trust his judgement." Brendon nods numbly. Gerard tends to praise Brendon over the top, at least as far as Brendon is concerned, and he always feels pressured like he has to earn the laurels Gerard's bestowing on him over and over again, to prove himself. Spencer looks at him earnestly. "So, do you think that, in due time, we might grow to be friends?"

"I'd be honoured to," Brendon manages to say.

Seconds afterwards Gerard comes in, too well-timed to have been anything but a planned event between those two. Gerard smiles at them both. "Brendon, there's a client out there and I can't figure out what they want." With a sigh, Brendon leaves. Before the door swings shut behind him, he can hear a hushed conversation. He steels himself and makes himself not think about what's going on in the bedroom.

Neither Gerard nor Spencer appear until after lunchtime. Brendon's starving, and he already missed lunch yesterday, so he's not in the best of moods. "I'm going for lunch," he says immediately, before either of them can even open their mouths, while he's already reaching for his coat and scarf. "I'll be back within the hour." Gerard looks a bit startled at Brendon's abrupt behaviour and Spencer gives him another of those deep, piercing looks, but Brendon pays them no heed.

Outside the air is fresh and cold. It's getting cold and on the inside Brendon's still a Vegas boy who looks upon snow as something holy and rare, even though he's been living up North for years now. His coat is rather thin and threadbare and it's nowhere near warm enough now the cold wind is starting up again. Autumn's in his last breath, and winter's coming fast. Brendon has to get himself a new coat, a thicker one. He's been doing with this one for a few years, wearing hoodies and sweaters and several layers underneath it. Now there are holes in the lining that even the best mending can't fix.

He absolutely has to buy a new one. Brendon has already looked at some in store windows and even went so far as to try on a couple. He has fallen in love with a peacock coat, thick and warm and with the prettiest buttons. It's awfully expensive, though, and Brendon really can't afford it, if he wants to keep his apartment. Gerard doesn't have a real understanding of the way the normal society works and how important money is. Brendon doesn't have the heart to tell him he's barely paying Brendon the absolute minimum wage. In the beginning Brendon lived in Gerard's guest room, but as soon as he could, he moved out. It's been difficult since then. But Brendon can't ask for more money now, because Gerard doesn't understand Brendon's need to not rely on his magic.

For Gerard, there's never been any question of what he can do: what can be achieved by magic, he'll do, be it cleaning or cooking or fixing stuff or changing his appearance. Brendon sometimes yearns to sit down and explain to him how that's dangerous, to do anything by magic and be unaware of how to do it "normally". Brendon's been forced to hide his magic, to deny and renounce it. Every now and then he thinks he's complicating his own life unnecessarily with the way he's living, but he can't shut off the quiet voices in the back of his mind that sound suspiciously like his parents.

The wind's cutting cold, and Brendon's cheeks and nose are numbing. He's walking fast to stave off freezing, hurrying through the masses of other people. It's nearing Yule, Christmas-time, and people are out to buy presents. It makes Brendon feel even lonelier. Spencer's sudden arrival has shaken Brendon out of his routine, woken him up, so to speak. The way Gerard has opened up to Spencer, the way they've been talking to each other, it's thrown into sharp contrast the way Brendon's aloof from everyone else. He doesn't have a family, he doesn't have friends, and the only people he talks to regularly are his boss and his boss's family and friends.

There's a Christmas tree erected on some plaza, and Brendon stops to watch it. It's lit with thousands of lights and the baubles are glittering and shining. A skating rink has been put up close to it, and the people skating there seem happy. Brendon misses his family so much--Christmas was a busy time, so many relatives to write cards to and family dinners to organise. Christmas was all about spending time with your loved ones and remembering your values. Now that he’s living in the wizarding world Yule has taken its place, with less religious content, but the sentiment stayed the same. And Brendon still doesn't have anybody to celebrate it with.

Brendon shivers and he realises he's been staring at the Christmas tree for a long time. His lunch break is probably already over and he still hasn't eaten or gotten a new coat. With a sigh, he turns back. He stops at the next fast food place and gets the cheapest item on the menu. He eats while walking, careful not to spill any sauce on himself, but the food's not quite filling. Brendon's still hungry when he arrives back at the book shop, and yet the food feels like stones in his stomach.

Brendon enters the book shop, feeling worse than when he left. Instead of getting out of his funk, he's just driven himself deeper into it. Spencer's at the cashier and he just gives Brendon a quick glance. Gerard's nowhere to be seen. Brendon quickly throws himself into work, staying busy with customers. He's glad for it, but inevitably a lull comes and Spencer and he are alone in the store.

Brendon starts to rearrange books, putting them back into their proper places, but to no avail. Just as he's sorting out the books on their American Werewolf display, Spencer puts his hand on Brendon's, effectively stopping him. Spencer's hand is warm and dry, his fingers covering Brendon's completely. Brendon stills, but he doesn't look at Spencer.

Spencer sighs exasperatedly and he tugs Brendon around to face him. His face is earnest, worried almost. "I don't know what to do with you," he says. "You say one thing, but then you react completely differently to what you said."

"What do you mean?"

"Brendon, if you are concerned about your position in the shop, you needn't worry. I meant what I said: I'm not here to replace you."

Brendon shakes his head. "I'm not worried about that."

"So what is it then?" Spencer demands. "There is something troubling you, I've been feeling it ever since I got here. You shield yourself completely and almost impenetrably."

Brendon really doesn't want to tell Spencer. "It's nothing," he hears himself say. "It's nothing."

Spencer squeezes Brendon's hand. Brendon stares at their linked hands stupidly, it's such a simple touch and yet it's more intimacy than Brendon's had lately. "Brendon," Spencer sighs.

"It's nothing," Brendon whispers. "Just old ghosts and bad decisions coming back to haunt me. It'll pass."

Spencer draws Brendon in close. At first Brendon resists, he's done enough sharing today, but Spencer is persistent. He wraps his arms around Brendon, and it's been so long since Brendon's received a proper hug. "Will you at least do me the favour of coming to Gerard's Yule fete?" Spencer asks. Brendon can't help but nod, even though he didn't have any idea that Gerard was giving a party at all. It saddens him and reminds him of the deep gulf between him and everyone else. But he still says yes.

He starts to regret it soon after Spencer tells Gerard. Gerard seems happily surprised, but not upset that Spencer invited Brendon without asking. He keeps asking Brendon questions, about how he used to celebrate Yule, and Brendon has to make up evasive answers. He's not sure how to say that he's never been part of an actual celebration instead of just sitting at home and knowing that it was a special kind of day.

Brendon's glad when he can finally go home. Usually he'll try and make up reasons for staying longer at the shop, where there's both heat and company. Brendon's apartment is, to sum it up with one word, shitty. It's small, which makes it seem crowded even though Brendon doesn't own that much stuff. The entire building is old and decrepit. The heat's spotty, one day it's working, then it only goes lukewarm, and occasionally it's not working at all. The landlord doesn't take care of it, but everything else works reliably enough. And it's the best place Brendon can afford. Sometimes he wishes he were back in Gerard's guest room.

Today, however, Brendon's relieved when he leaves the store. He hasn't ever told Gerard a  lot about his past, and it's increasingly making things difficult.

The walk to his apartment is long and cold. Brendon really has to get a new coat. There is a bus route between the shop and the apartment, but if he's ever going to be able to afford any coat, let alone the peacock coat he's been eyeing, he needs to save money wherever he can. Brendon sighs. Sometimes he wonders whether it wouldn't be easier to go back. To renounce his magic and live a "normal" life. He'd get his family back that way, he knows, but he'd lose himself. Only on days like this, Brendon's not sure whether he likes his life that much. He's not happy the way things are and yet he has no idea how to change them. He was already so lucky that Gerard found him and took him in. That was probably Brendon's lucky break of the decade, if not his whole life. He can't ask for much more.

Brendon's apartment is cold, when he comes in. He's still freezing when he goes into work the next morning. The walk only served to make Brendon realise how fucking cold it has become. He's layered up as much as he could, but to no avail. Gerard's not in today, he's running errands, whatever that means. He's left a long list for Brendon to do. The good thing about him being out is that it doesn't matter whether Brendon's five minutes late. He normally wouldn't be, but the park's closed for some reason or other. It's a bad way to start the day, and Brendon's mood doesn't perk up, when he sees that Spencer's already there. He's drinking coffee in the break room and greets Brendon in a friendly way when he comes in.

"Good morning," he says. "You were gone quickly last night."

Brendon shrugs. He's not used to making small talk. Gerard's not functional until he has had at least three cups of coffee. By that time they're already busy working. "I had stuff to do." That's a pretty huge lie, since Brendon spent his evening in bed, reading. He tries to open his coat, but his fingers are stiff from the cold.

"Oh, I understand. We went out for dinner, and we thought maybe you'd want to join us, but you were gone before we could ask you."

Brendon's glad it didn't come to that. He can't afford to eat out. "I'm sorry I had to miss it." Lie number two.

Brendon's still fighting with his coat buttons. He's taken off his second pair of gloves and is still wearing the fingerless pair, but his fingers just won't bend the way he wants them to. When he hears a chair screeching, he looks up. Spencer's standing right in front of Brendon and he gently pushes Brendon's hands away, as he pops open button after button on Brendon's coat.

Brendon stands there, motionless, and lets Spencer tug off Brendon's coat. "I don't think this is warm enough for a Chicagoan winter", Spencer says.

"I know. I'm going to have to get a better coat for the winter." Spencer gives Brendon a long look. He's taking Brendon's right hand and is gently rubbing his fingers. His hands hurt, as warmth returns, his skin is prickling and itching. Spencer's hands feel burning hot in contrast, but the contact feels nice. Brendon's starved of friendly touches. Gerard's nice and talking to him is awesome, but he's not really the touchy-feely kind. Brendon's almost sad when Spencer lets go.

"You're a strange one," Spencer states.

Brendon raises his eyebrows. "Strange?"

Spencer smiles at him and it still has the same effect on Brendon as before. "I like that. It makes you interesting."

Working alongside Spencer is nice. He doesn't get as easily distracted as Gerard, which is a godsend with customers, but it also means that Spencer doesn't just let things drop. He brings up the coat issue later that morning, after he first lulled Brendon into a false sense of security by talking a lot about cookbooks. Apparently one has to have firm opinions on the use of garlic and red onion vs. normal onions and so on. It amused Brendon, and he's quite surprised when Spencer changes tracks completely.

"So I was wondering about your coat," Spencer says as he leafs through a new cookbook. It's on display and Brendon's stuck behind the counter, so he can't escape. He decides to take the offensive.

"I don't know what there's to wonder about. I need a new one, the end."

Spencer puts the book down and looks at Brendon. "You could already have one."

Brendon stills. "But not on my terms."

"What are your terms exactly?"

"I am not going to use magic," Brendon says. "I'll earn the money and buy one like-." He stops himself

Spencer leans in closely. "Like normal people?" He sounds a little bit sad. "Brendon, you-"

"I will get a new coat when I want," Brendon says determinedly. "And there's a customer coming in."

The old lady who'd been contemplating the romance novel in the display actually does come in, unknowingly saving Brendon.

After that, Brendon keeps his distance from Spencer. He's still unsure how to deal with him and he retreats rather than risk a confrontation. Spencer is quiet, but there's determination in everything he does, and Brendon feels slightly intimidated by that. Occasionally he can feel Spencer's eyes on him, and more than once he gets the impression that Spencer can see underneath his skin and into his mind. It's disconcerting.

Things in the shop continue mostly like before Spencer's appearance, except that Gerard is around less. Often he leaves the shop to Brendon and Spencer, each in his own section. Spencer shows an interest in the mundane books, much to Brendon's surprise. Gerard only gets excited about the comics.

They spend a lot of time talking about books. Spencer has read a fair share, and Brendon finds a certain delight in not having to explain the appeal of fantasy books. They compare favourites and discuss overdone tropes. It's comfortable, because they're friendly with each other, but neither crosses the well-drawn lines between them.

That is, until Spencer brings up Gerard's Yule party. Brendon has been dreading this moment. He doesn't know whether he's invited. Gerard has been speaking of the party for a couple weeks now, as he's been preparing it, but he hasn't invited anyone explicitly yet and Brendon doesn't think he's included in an implicit invitation. Just because he knows that there is a party doesn't mean he should just show up.

"I am looking forward a lot to Gerard's party. Have you been to one of his Yule parties yet? They're lots of fun."

Brendon shakes his head. "No, I have only known him for a few months, since long after Yule passed."

Spencer hums. There's no way Spencer didn't already know that and Brendon can't figure out why he'd ask something so obvious. "So this time we'll have to make it a really awesome event, since it's your first Way Yule."

Brendon blinks, but doesn’t react. Spencer behaves as if Brendon were invited--which he isn’t. Gerard hasn’t asked him yet, and Brendon doesn’t think he will.

So he’s completely surprised when Gerard comes to him about a week later.

"Brendon, do you want to sleep over?" Brendon's in the middle of selling an indecisive woman a romance novel, and at first he can't figure out what Gerard means. "I'm sorry, just a moment," he says to his client, before turning to Gerard. "Sleep over? When?"

"After the party," Gerard says patiently. "I always close up the shop for a week, so it's really just a week of hanging out at my place. I figure it's too much of a hassle for you to go back home every night. I have enough space at my house, so if you want to, you can just stay."

“Which party?”

Gerard sighs and Brendon feels slightly embarrassed. “Yule,” he says. “Spencer said you were coming. It’d be more fun if you stayed over.”

Brendon blinks, and only the impatient cough of romance novel woman brings him back. "Sure, I'd like that, if it's no bother."

Gerard smiles at him, and Brendon can't help smiling back. He sells the woman two novels actually, since she still can't make up her mind, so he wins on both accounts.

The days until Yule pass in a daze, and suddenly Brendon's hurrying to prepare the cupcakes he promised. He felt bad when he realised that these were the only things he could offer, but Gerard was delighted. Brendon sets out to make the best cupcakes ever. That's ... not quite how they turn out. But he slathers a lot of icing on them and puts sprinkles on them. They taste all right, anyway.

Gerard opens the day and he takes the box full of cupcakes from Brendon. "Oh, there you are!" He tugs Brendon into the house. It hasn't changed much since Brendon moved out into his own apartment.

Mikey greets him with a move from behind a gigantic coffee mug. Brendon waves back shyly, since he doesn't know most of the people in the room. Spencer's the only other familiar face that he can put a name to. Some of the others have been to the shop, but Brendon was never introduced to them. He feels weird standing around, when they obviously all know each other and are chatting amiably. He sits down next to Spencer who gives him a small smile.

It's less a party than just a group of friends hanging out with each other. Brendon learns that they're almost complete, only Gabe is missing, but not to worry, Gabe is always late. Slowly Brendon gets to know the other people and he starts to relax. They talk about everything under the sun, both magic and mundane things. Brendon has never been part of such a group before, but he finds he enjoys it quite a lot.

Despite his initial misgivings Brendon finds that he gets along really well with Spencer. Since they're seated next to each other, Spencer makes an actual effort to introduce Brendon to everyone and to include him in their conversations. He even explains who the people are they gossip about. He treats Brendon like he belongs, like he should belong. Usually when Brendon's tried to befriend people before, there were long moments of complete awkwardness, but this time those don't happen. Spencer does his best to diffuse difficult situations. Most people react favourably and are nice to Brendon. Only Gabe is teasing him extensively, but then he always is, even if he just drops by the shop for five minutes. Brendon thinks this is just how Gabe shows affection.

Spencer and he discover a shared love of music and soon everybody's weighing in with their own favourite songs. They soon move on to another topic, but Spencer keeps glancing at Brendon and shooting him those small smiles that Brendon doesn't quite know what to do with.

It's much later after dessert (Brendon's cupcakes were a success) that Spencer takes Brendon's hand. "Come on, I have to show you something."

Brendon goes along willingly, curiosity spiked by Spencer's secretiveness, and lets Spencer tug him along dark hallways. They reach one of the rooms Brendon never entered while he still lived here, and he realises how much of a mistake that was. Most of the room is taken up by a baby grand. Brendon immediately sits down on the bench and touches the keys fervently. Spencer laughs quietly and sits down at the far end of the bench. "I take it you like it?"

Brendon nods. "But are you really sure Gerard's okay with us being here?" Gerard never said anything about any rooms being off limits, it was Brendon who tried to be as little of an annoyance as possible. Nevertheless, Gerard never explicitly gave Brendon permission to roam freely, either.

"It's all right. Gerard almost never uses this room, anyway, but he's happy if other people do." Brendon plays a short melody, more a finger exercise than a real song, but Spencer still seems impressed. "Can you play something for me?"

Brendon feels suddenly shy. It's been some time since he played for other people and even longer since he played the piano. "Do you have something special in mind?" he asks.

"Play me your favourite piece," Spencer says. Brendon starts hesitantly, but within a few minutes he's lost in the music. He's distantly aware of Spencer being near, but then he reaches the fortissimo section and after that there's only the music.

Brendon feels like he's waking up from a dream, when he finishes. He leaves his hands on the keys, and he's panting and he's sweating profusely. He feels absolutely disgusting and very much alive.

Spencer's staring at him with unabashed wonder in his eyes. Brendon doesn't realise quite why, until he notices that he's been dropping his personal shields. Normally they keep wizards and normal people away from him equally. The shield protects Brendon from other wizards intruding on his mind, and it prevents them from getting a reading of Brendon's feelings. It keeps people at a distance. It also makes Brendon rather lonely, which he has come to prefer to being hurt.

But now his shields are down. Brendon's aware of all the other people in the house and their emotions: Gerard's delighted for some reason, Victoria's amused by Gabe, and Spencer ... Spencer's awed and happy and confused and it's all because of Brendon. Spencer's still looking at him and it's scary because now Brendon can look into those blue eyes and he knows exactly what Spencer's thinking.

Spencer's carefully redrawing a shield around the both of them. All the others dim, but Spencer remains close and so awfully open. Brendon closes his eyes in an effort to put some distance between them, but Spencer is right there, a presence in his mind, and it's less terrifying than Brendon thought it would be. Mostly it's new and interesting and also exhilarating because Brendon's never been with another person like this. Spencer's presence is comforting, though. He wraps a layer of warmth around Brendon. Brendon instinctively leans into it and he's surprised when he finds himself falling backwards since Spencer is not actually there. He catches Brendon before he falls off the bench, though. Then Spencer sits down right next to Brendon, facing the room rather than the piano. It allows him to embrace Brendon, pulling him close and keeping there.

Brendon's confused, but he keeps getting these hints that Spencer's not quite sure what's going on either, despite how self-confident he appears, so he guesses it's okay. Spencer is warm and Brendon holds him tightly because he hasn't been touched that often recently. It's a rather innocent touch, but it bears the promise of more.

Spencer smiles. Brendon can't see it, but he can feel it: Spencer's happiness is a bright fluid light in Brendon's mind. It's much more intimate than Brendon has ever allowed anyone to be with him.

They stay in their bubble for long minutes that feel like hours. Spencer is so close to Brendon that it's both terrifying and exhilarating. Brendon's heart keeps beating fast and he's breathing shallowly. His mind is one big jumble and Brendon can't tell where he ends and Spencer begins. Their emotions are still distinct, but their thoughts blend into each other. It's too much effort to sort it all out, so Brendon just lets it slide.

When they finally break apart, Brendon smiles shyly at Spencer. Spencer's smile is just as abashed. "I think it's time we head back to the others," he says. "They're probably already missing us." Brendon manages a nod. He's hesitant to go back. Outside their bubbles he's aware of everyone else, and he knows they know what happened, just because they've been broadcasting their emotions so clearly, and it's difficult to go back and face them. Still they go, walking slowly. Spencer keeps looking over at Brendon and smiling, and it's downright impossible to ignore those gorgeous smiles, not when Spencer looks so happy.

Nobody reacts weirdly, though, when they enter the dining room. Gerard outright beams at them, and Frank and Victoria smirk like cats who ate the canary, but everybody else smiles. They don't mention it, but Brendon can feel congratulations directed at his emotional bubble. It's weird since Brendon is not used to communicating via this channel with anyone--his magic allows him access to other people's emotions and, with mundanes, also to their thoughts, but Brendon only accesses it. He never receives or sends messages himself. It's an intimate contact, since you directly touch the other person's mind. It is not entirely forbidden to do it with mundanes, but since they can't send messages themselves, it's complicated.

Wizards usually only do it with friends, and Brendon's still surprised that he's apparently included in this circle. This elicits a sad and hurried response from Gerard and basically everyone gives Brendon a mental hug. Brendon goes completely still mid-motion and only Spencer holding on to his hand keeps him from stumbling. Spencer laughs and pulls Brendon into a real hug.

Brendon realises that he has to shield himself better, all his defences are gone. His mind quiets down as everyone picks their earlier conversations back up.

They go to bed relatively early. Spencer has been holding on to Brendon all night long, and it's both comforting and deeply disturbing because Brendon has started to look for Spencer first wherever he goes. Brendon goes through his night time routine on autopilot, and he lies in bed, exhausted beyond reason, but his mind is still racing with activity. He can feel Spencer in the room two doors over. He's longing for the close contact they established in the music room and it's too easy to just ... knock on Spencer's mental door, so to speak. Spencer lets him in at once, all too willingly, and Brendon takes delight in their connection.

Entirely too much delight as he's startled by someone knocking on his door. He thinks permission at them, and Spencer enters Brendon's room. He's wearing dark striped pyjamas, his feet bare on the cold ground.

Spencer crawls into bed and lies down close to Brendon without asking for permission. It's dark, so it feels even more reclusive and intimate. Brendon turns toward Spencer without thinking, their mental connection still intact, and it feels like turning toward a fire when you're freezing. Kissing is just another extension of that.

Spencer's lips are dry and soft. The more Brendon pushes, though, the more innocent Spencer keeps their kisses. Their mouths are still closed, for god's sake. Brendon's aware that Spencer's drawing blocks and shields around them, which is good and awesome and fucking fantastic because Brendon really doesn't have it together enough to even consider doing that. He wants Spencer so much it all consumes him. The first time Spencer lets his tongue brush over Brendon's lips, he actually whimpers.

Brendon pulls Spencer closer and he ends up on his back, Spencer half on top, half next to him. Spencer laughs quietly against Brendon's lips, his breath still fresh from brushing his teeth, and it sends shivers across Brendon's skin. Spencer takes hold of Brendon's hands, linking their fingers, and he brings their clasped hands above their heads, holding them there. Brendon feels spread open and with the thought comes the mental image of Spencer actually spreading Brendon open. Because of their connection Spencer immediately knows and they both groan.

Spencer just keeps kissing Brendon, though. Brendon kisses him harder and harder, pushing his hips at Spencer and squeezing his hands tightly enough to hurt. He wants Spencer, needs him in some capacity, and Spencer just won't. It's infuriating and simultaneously the hottest sex Brendon's ever had, if they ever get around to the actual sex part.

Spencer does Brendon a favour and he settles on top of him, covering him from chest to toe. It gives Brendon something to thrust against, but his legs automatically wraps themselves around Spencer's waist because that is what he wants.

"Keep your hands where they are," Spencer whispers into Brendon's ear. "I want to see this."

A low shimmer fills the room, bright enough to allow Brendon and Spencer to see each other, but still keeping the room dark. Spencer looks delicious, his lips bright red and swollen from kissing, his eyes big and dark, and he looks dishevelled and Brendon knows it's because of him. It's the most awesome head rush. Brendon thinks he must look the same, if not worse.

Spencer pushes up Brendon's t-shirt slowly, littering kisses on the skin he uncovers. Brendon forces himself to stay still, but he still twitches and shakes under Spencer's ministrations. Spencer takes an eternity to cover Brendon's belly and ribs until he finally reaches Brendon's collarbones. While he's tonguing the little dip in between, he pulls the shirt over Brendon's head, but leaves it entangled in Brendon's arms. Brendon arches into the flittering touches and kisses, his arms effectively trapped.

Spencer takes his time exploring Brendon's neck, he gently bites down on Brendon's earlobe, mouths along his jaw line, and Brendon's moaning and sighing and generally being loud. A distant part of his mind tells him to keep it down, but he feels Spencer drawing another shield around them, a circle of silence.

Spencer quickly pulls off his own shirt and Brendon extracts his arms and pushes the shirt away, heedless of where it falls. This time when they kiss it's skin against skin. Spencer's warm and his skin is soft underneath Brendon's finger tips. Brendon strokes his hands firmly along Spencer's back, pressing hard enough to feel his ribs underneath, the ripple of his spine, and Spencer just pulls him closer, leans down on Brendon more firmly, thrusting lightly.

Brendon lets his hands wander down, dips them under Spencer's pyjama bottoms, teasing the elastic of his boxers, only slipping his finger tips under the fabric. Spencer moans against Brendon's mouth, and through their mental connection Brendon feels his want and his frustration. Brendon spreads his legs wider, letting Spencer settle more firmly against him. Spencer thrusts once, twice, and then he rolls off. Brendon sighs at the loss of contact, but then Spencer takes off his pyjama bottoms and Brendon hurries to struggle out of his own.

Spencer laughs at him, and helps him by pulling on the leg. Brendon's naked underneath and Spencer doesn't waste time, immediately going for Brendon's cock.

Brendon has had sex before, but this feels completely new. It's never been this driven before, there never was this need to be close to somebody right now, and Brendon's never been able to feel so clearly what the other person was thinking and feeling before. But Spencer's right there, both physically and mentally, and he doesn't let Brendon slip away, he keeps Brendon aware of everything and there's so much. Brendon can feel the sheets soft against his skin, the air cold and refreshing, Spencer's fingers hot wherever they touch, and, oh fuck, Spencer's breath ghosting along Brendon's cock as he licks the head.

Brendon grips the headboard hard and he's shuddering and shaking before Spencer has even taken his cock into his mouth. Spencer keeps laughing, hot little puffs of breath against Brendon's skin, and that's new, too. Brendon feels out of his depth, but it's okay, because Spencer is amused rather than upset about Brendon's behaviour. He seems to get off on Brendon's responsiveness and that's good, and Brendon is as relaxed as he's ever been during sex.

Spencer looks up at Brendon, when he takes Brendon's cock into his mouth. Brendon can't take his eyes off him, his cock slick with saliva, glistening obscenely, and Spencer's lips stretched around it. Brendon's close embarrassingly fast and he has to force his hands to let go of the headboard, so he can warn Spencer, but he only manages a whimper as he tries to pull Spencer off. Spencer doesn't move away, though, he just pulls back a bit and then he swallows and Brendon's undone.

Brendon recovers slowly, his breathing shallow and fast, his limbs weak and shaky. Spencer stretches out next to him, and he caresses Brendon wherever he can reach, his arms, ribs, hips, Spencer’s hands stroking firmly but gently, and his kisses hot and wet on Brendon's skin.

Brendon takes Spencer's head in his shaking hands and tugs him close enough, so he can drop kisses on Spencer's face. He aims for the mouth, and he misses more than he hits his target, but Spencer just gently kisses him back, and it's this that makes Brendon shudder and his cock twitch even though he has just come. Spencer treats him so gently; Brendon's used to quick rough sex, and Spencer's kindness makes him feel treasured.

"Can I," Spencer whispers, "can we, please? If you want to, please?" Brendon just spreads his legs in answer.

Spencer's quick to get the necessary supplies. His fingers are slick against Brendon's skin, as he probes Brendon and preps him. Brendon hasn't done this in long enough that even one finger feels like a lot, but Spencer shushes him mentally when he tries to apologise. Spencer's cock is hard and leaking against Brendon's hip, but Spencer doesn't let himself be hurried. He stretches Brendon until Brendon relaxes into the touch, until he's pushing back for more, and only then does he add a second finger. He works up to three until he's finally satisfied.

Despite having come already, Brendon's cock is half-hard again. It flops against Brendon's belly as he pulls his legs back, opening himself up even more. He feels vulnerable like this, but Spencer settles between his legs slowly and he strokes the back of Brendon's thighs as he positions himself. He pushes in slowly, giving Brendon time to adjust and relax. It's a lot even after all the stretching, but Brendon wants it.

When Spencer's all in, he takes Brendon's hands. He shows Brendon what he wants and Brendon complies, wraps his legs around Spencer's waist, hooking his ankles. He feels less open like this, with Spencer covering him--it's easier somehow and he relaxes more. Spencer kisses him deeply while he starts thrusting, starting slow and shallow. Soon, though, Brendon's squirming and begging for more. Spencer works up momentum, fucking Brendon harder and harder, until they're both hanging on for dear life, kisses long-forgotten.

Brendon feels another, inexplicable orgasm coming on, and he just holds on. Spencer's angling for and hitting his prostrate with almost every thrust and Brendon's reduced to whimpering and moaning. Spencer's rhythm becomes erratic, his thrusts even harder and more desperate, until he slams in one final time. Brendon can feel him coming inside him, and it triggers his own orgasm. The world explodes in shiny bright white.

Afterwards they lie next to each other, both still panting, but unwilling to lose skin contact. Spencer does something complicated with his magic and suddenly they are clean and the sheets are clean. Brendon turns toward Spencer, and Spencer wraps his arms around Brendon and ... Brendon feels at home. They fall asleep wrapped around each other, legs entangled.  

  
The next morning dawns bright and early, and Brendon wakes up overheated and coddled, but content. He burrows against Spencer's shoulder and hides his face where Spencer's neck and shoulder meet. Spencer's arms tighten around him, keeping him close, and Spencer wraps the comforter tighter around them. It's hot in their cocoon, but the air is chilly. Brendon dozes, while Spencer is petting his hair, stroking his hands in long swipes across Brendon's back. Their skin is sweaty and they reek of musk and sex and sweat. Brendon already had morning wood, when he woke up, but now his entire body becomes interested, his skin breaking out into goose bumps whenever Spencer touches a particularly sensitive place. Brendon tentatively thrusts against Spencer and he bumps against Spencer's erection.

Spencer laughs into Brendon's ear. "How do you feel about morning sex?" His eyes are twinkling and Brendon's sure he's being made fun of, at least a little bit, but he doesn't care. He beams at Spencer, eliciting another gorgeous laugh. "I love it," Brendon replies. Spencer is still laughing when he turns onto his back and pulls Brendon on top of him.

It's much later when they finally get up. Their orgasms made them sleepy again and they napped for a bit. Spencer assured Brendon that this was perfectly acceptable behaviour and that nobody would be expecting them at the breakfast table. It turns out that he was right, although nobody seems to have expected them for lunch, either. Gerard hastily gets up and gets two more place settings, while everybody else smirks at Brendon and Spencer more or less openly. Gabe outright leers, but Brendon's slowly getting used to him.

"Had a fun night, didja?" Gabe gets an elbow in the ribs from Victoria, but it doesn't deter him any. Brendon smiles back at him beatifically. Next to him Spencer just snorts. "Keep it in your pants, Gabe," he says. "Change of topic, please."

Brendon grins, and the talk turns to something else.

The week passes almost in a blur for Brendon. Yule is thought of as the best time of the year, together with Beltane. Some prefer the quiet, contemplative mood of the winter festival to the hectic and frantic spectacle in the summer. Brendon hasn't ever really celebrated either of them in a true wizardly fashion, so he can't say. Yule is currently his favourite, though. It might just be that he's been having sex with Spencer every single day for the past week, and that this is apparently completely acceptable behaviour. They all got together on the first day of Gerard's Yule party and the last day (the fact that Gerard called it a party although it lasted an entire week is still mind-boggling), but in-between they all grouped off.

Now Brendon's packing and he's doing it with mixed feeling. He doesn't know what will happen now. He wants to ask Gerard, but Brendon's scared. He's not sure how to behave if Gerard tells him that, yeah, it's just this week, fuck and run, just like Beltane is supposed to be. Brendon doesn't know how he'll react then because he’s really fucking bad at not becoming invested. He's ... not quite in love with Spencer, but he's getting there. The sex is great, but they also click on so many other levels. They've talked a lot, about their dreams and experiences and wishes, but they never touched on the subject of their relationship. Spencer knows that Brendon wants a family, a community of his own, and Brendon knows that Spencer wants the same thing, although for different reasons. Spencer doesn't know it any other way, his family is tightly-knit, and for Brendon it would be the start of something new. They never talked about what would become of their relationship after this week.

So Brendon packs his bag with trepidation. He hasn't been back to his own guest room except to fetch clothes since that first night, and it's cold and looks unlived in. Brendon had gathered his clothes from Spencer's room, but he realizes he has forgotten a lot and he feels scared to go back and destroy the happy memories he's built up in there. He wants to remember it as the room where he could love and be loved, not the room where he has his last, final conversation with Spencer that breaks everything.

A knock on the door shakes Brendon out of his reverie. Spencer stands here, holding some of Brendon's clothes, smiling shyly. "I found these," he says. "I figured I'd bring them by."

Brendon nods and Spencer comes in. Brendon's still feverishly trying to think up something to say, when Spencer drops the clothes into Brendon's bag, arranging them neatly. He's close enough that Brendon can feel his body heat emanating, and Brendon basically feels ice cold whenever he isn't near Spencer's. He wishes Spencer would hug him, and it's almost a shock when Spencer does. But then Brendon wraps his arms around Spencer and he holds on for dear life because he doesn't want to let go of Spencer.

"Yule is a special time of year," Spencer suddenly says. "It creates connections between people that last, if you let them." Brendon tightens his arms. Spencer presses a kiss against Brendon's temple.

"Does that mean ... what does that mean?" Brendon whispers. He doesn't want to read too much into what Spencer's saying, but his heart is beating faster, a rapid beat that echoes in Brendon's entire body.

 _It means yes_ , Brendon hears in his mind. _It means we're conjoined and this connection will be difficult to break._ Brendon melts against Spencer and they just keep standing there for what feels like an eternity. Something settles inside Brendon and this time, when Spencer pokes at his mental shield, he lets him in without hesitation, baring his entire soul and mind to him. Spencer opens up his mind, too. This is what perfection feels like, Brendon thinks. Spencer seeks out his mouth and they kiss while they learn each other anew.

 _Stay_ , Spencer says. _Please stay with me._

Brendon says yes.


End file.
